Written specifically for those in the first 3 months of grief…
How to Survive Your Grief When Someone You Love Has Died
I am so sorry for your loss.
I know it feels like the world should be coming to a grinding halt…your world certainly has…and it’s so bizarre that everyone else is going on as if nothing earth shattering has happened.
You may have thought you were prepared, but nothing prepared you for this. How is it possible for anything to hurt this much? Or maybe you experienced a sudden loss and you can’t even begin to wrap your mind around what has happened. All you know is this overwhelming pain.
And the emotions…up, down and all over the map…by the time you recognize one, you’re on to the next…anger, regret, sadness, fear, guilt…and back again. Who wouldn’t wonder about their sanity?
Maybe you’re drowning in tears or worried because you haven’t shed a one. What’s the matter with you?
If you’re like most people, you may be wondering if what you’re experiencing is normal. It feels so crazy, how could it be normal? I’m here to tell you it is…everything you’re experiencing is perfectly normal.
My name is Susan Fuller. I learned just how normal from leading an ongoing bereavement support group for many years…not one of those 8 week deals, but an ongoing group where people came from beginning to end.
Susan, how did you get so wise? You words “rang true” for me – especially dealing with guilt and fighting with family members. Thank you so much for your quick response and your wonderful insight. You’ve helped more than you know.
A Recent Reader, United States
You know what I learned that I’d like to share with you…
• It’s all normal.
• Some of the most bizarre reactions to grief are extremely common…more common than not.
• It comes to an end…in its own time, it really does end.
What I have come to understand is that grief is a most trustworthy companion. When followed with courage and patience, grief knows exactly what you need every step of the way. There’s a wisdom in the grieving process that is rarely seen while you’re in the middle of it, but which in retrospect becomes abundantly clear. Being a witness to hundreds of people’s grief, I can attest to the miracles of healing that come about in the end.
The problem is in getting from here to there…and that can be a very rough ride. It’s certainly nothing you would have ever chosen, but in the end you will come back to life with an open heart filled with loving remembrance…ready to embrace life without your beloved.
What makes grief harder…
• Judging and evaluating your grief…asking am I doing this right?
• Putting up a brave front…pretending you’re really doing well when you’re clearly not
• Trying to rush it…listening to time tables about what you should be feeling when and trying to fit your grief into someone else’s box.
• Trying to forget…the person, the death…this never works
• Spending time with people who don’t get it, and are clearly uncomfortable with your pain.
One of the biggest keys to moving through your grief is to stop judging and evaluating it. You know how if you keep picking a scab, the cut takes longer to heal. It’s pretty much the same with grief. Constantly evaluating what you’re experiencing, is like picking at a scab…and just like picking a scab, it prolongs your pain.
Pretending you’re fine when you’re not, isn’t much better. These feelings have a way of coming back all fresh and new when they’re not given their due. Denying your feelings is guaranteed to prolong the process or catch you by surprise later on.
Here’s what does help…
• Understanding that what you’re experiencing is normal.
• Understanding why you’re reacting the way you are.
• Letting your grief be exactly what it is no matter what any one else says.
• Understanding that just like a physical injury, healing from grief takes time.
• Letting your grief unfold in its own way and in its own time.
• Remembering your life with the person who died.
• Spending time with people who totally understand and accept you where you are.
That’s why I wrote this book…to be a companion to you as you make the journey from profound loss back into a rich and rewarding life. I know it doesn’t help but it does get better. Really it does.
I can’t take your pain away, no one can, but I can accompany you by sharing with you what others have shared with me over many years of working with people just like you.
Here’s Some of What You’ll Discover…
• I will show you what hundreds of people have told me about their experiences with grief…all completely normal reactions to loss.
• I will tell you what these experiences mean for you.
• I will tell you when to get help and when it’s just part of the process.
• I will show you why understanding any version of ‘stages’ will not help you.
• And if there’s still any doubt (and just in case I missed something), I will show you exactly how to tell whether what you’re experiencing is normal or not…an absolutely foolproof way to know whether your healing is on track…no matter how crazy it feels or what anyone else says.
Just a note to say thank you so much for your wonderful book. I lost my husband 4 months ago to cancer and it was all a shock. I never thought he would die and it all happened so fast. I don’t have any close family or friends who understand what I am feeling and it is hard to find a book that explains the feelings as well as yours has. I have read Dr. Kubler Ross’s book On Grief and Grieving which was good but yours is much easier to take in and I really appreciate the help it has given me so far. I haven’t read it all yet but what I have read is really helpful and is putting everything in some sort of perspective for me. Once again many thanks.
G.P., Sydney, Australia
Here’s a sampling of the 50 normal responses you may be experiencing…
• Feeling numb
• Finding it hard to believe that the death has really happened
• Feeling restless and fidgety
• Trouble concentrating
• Trouble sleeping
• Feeling exhausted
• Thinking you hear, smell, see, or feel them
• Volatile mood changes
• Losing your sense of purpose and direction
• Being afraid you’ll forget them
And that’s just the beginning. All the information’s there…what it is, what it means and what to do about it…all in a highly accessible form. I know you may be having trouble concentrating so I’ve made it easy to navigate…you can find exactly what you need, when you need it.
…an easy, straight forward read.
Tammy Canlano, Hospice Nurse, Fairfield, New Jersey
I read your book cover to cover. I was impressed with how much you spoke from the “heart”, like you were sitting right next to me. I am so thankful that you wrote it.
Don Bell, Denver, Colorado
I have found things in your book so relative to me, I find myself breathing a big sigh of relief.
Myrna Courtney, Grass Valley, California
I know this book can help especially if you are in the first 3 months following a death.
Susan L. Fuller, Rhode Island, USA
You will receive an excerpt of How to Survive Your Grief and be subscribed to the Grief Heals mailing lists from which you can unsubscribe at any time.