"Just getting through it" isn't a plan.

Dreading the Holidays Without Your Spouse?

Much of the dread you're feeling comes from believing your only option is to white knuckle through it.

It isn't!

Create a Holiday Plan You Can Live With

Holiday Planning Guide for Grieving Hearts

A self-paced course to help you sort through the expectations, figure out what you actually want, and create a holiday plan that will work for you.

You'd Rather Skip the Whole Darn Thing

The decorations are appearing. The holiday music has started. Family members are talking about Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas plans.

It's your first holiday season without your spouse.

And you just don't wanna.

While part of you wants to skip the whole darn thing, there are the expectations of your kids, your in-laws, and your friends. They all have very definite ideas about what you're supposed to do, and those ideas don't necessarily agree with yours.

You're tempted to go along with everyone else just to keep the peace, even if it's the last thing you want.

It's enough to make you want to pull the covers over your head until January.

Here's something I've learned from more than 30 years of working with grieving people.

The anticipation is almost always harder than the holiday itself.

You spend weeks running through every possible scenario. What if you burst into tears at dinner? What if someone says something upsetting? What if everyone avoids mentioning your spouse, as though they never existed? What if you simply can't face walking into that gathering without them?

Some of those things might happen. Most of the situations you're imagining never will.

But you're worrying about all of them anyway.

When the day finally arrives, you only have to deal with that one day. Not the hundred and one awful possibilities you've been imagining.

The holidays will be difficult. Your spouse has died, and the celebrations you once shared will never be quite the same.

But the holidays are coming, whether you're ready or not. You don't have to spend the weeks ahead fearing every gathering and celebration on the calendar.

And you don't have to keep doing things the way you've always done them. Unless, of course, that's what you want.